Wives' and Crossdressers' Bill of Rights

by Mary Frances & Jane Ellen Fairfax

A Wives' Bill of Rights
by Frances Fairfax.
(First published in the Spring 1994 issue of the Sweetheart Connection)
A Crossdressers' Bill of Rights
by Jane Ellen Fairfax
(Chair Tri-Ess Board of Directors)
1. We have the right to know about our husbands' crossdressing, preferably before marriage, but certainly when our husbands begin to make crossdressing a significant factor in their lives and wish to contact support groups. 1. We have the right to expect our spouses to accept that our crossgendered side is an integral part of us that cannot be "cured" or "wished away."
2. We have the right to honest and open communication with our husbands, with negotiation and compromise on both sides, particularly in regard to allocation of family resources and in matters pertaining to telling our children. Old patterns of selfishness and deception must cease. 2. We have the right to make available educational literature for our spouses, suggest means by which they can talk with other spouses, suggest couples' counselors who provide a level playing field for both crossdresser and spouse, and otherwise encourage our spouses to educate themselves about crossdressing.
3. We have the right not be be pushed to "accept" things before we have had time to learn enough about them and to begin to get used to them. 3. We have the right to reasonable outlets for our need for crossgender expression, subject to sensible limitations posed by job, family and social considerations.
4. We have the right to our husbands as men, the men we married, men who maintain a positive, healthy masculinity while "exploring their femininity" and seek neither to evade responsibilites nor to appropriate our own feminine roles. 4. We have the right to honest and open communication with our spouses, with negotiation and compromise on both sides, particularly in regard to acceptable outlets for crossgender expression and in matters pertaining to telling our children.
5. We have the right to our husbands' masculine male bodies. Neither partner in a marriage has the right to alter body features without the full knowledge and consent of the other. 5. We have the right to freedom from guilt imposed from without or within.
6. We have the right to support groups for ourselves that promote our own personal growth and well-being, help us understand our husbands' needs, and provide tools for relationship-building. 6. We have the right to belong to support groups that promote our own personal growth and well-being, help us to understand our spouses' needs, and provide tools for relationship-building.
7. We have the right to support groups for our husbands that encourage their feminine development without denigrating healthy masculinity, that welcome us as full members on an equal basis with our husbands, and that fully support relationship commitments. 7. We have the right to support groups for our spouses that encourage mutuality, communication, and renewal of relationships.
8. We have the right not be mocked and demeaned by sexually explicit or otherwise offensive conversation, dress and behavior at group meetings. 8. We have the right to freedom from discrimination in jobs, housing, and public accomodations.
9. We have the right not to be pressured to attend group gatherings at public locations, night clubs, or other places that pose security risks. 9. We have the right to be treated with dignity and respect by our spouses and families, and by society.
10. We have the right to be asked for our permission before our clothes, make-up, jewelry or other personal items are borrowed. 10. We have the right to be asked for our permission before our clothes, makeup, jewelry or personal items are borrowed.
11. We have the right to personal time in which to get in touch with our own femininity, pursue our personal growth and work on creative projects. 11. We have the right to personal time in which to get in touch with our own masculinitiy and femininity, pursue our personal growth, and work on creative projects.
12. We have the right to expect local, regional and national gender organizations and conventions to fully support and promote these rights in their programs and policies. 12. We have the right, and indeed, the responsibility, to contribute positively to our family, community and society while expressing our gender.

1998 - 2000 by The Society for the Second Self, Inc.

01/29/05